ONE MORE DAY HAPPENING DAY

Photo essay of the day:
Arun gawli, the gangster, nw a so-called-reformed politician, was conducting a mass marriage in dagdi chawl. n the guys who were pasting posters all over walls and boundaries, perhpas cant read english. well, one movie called goonda raj was also released at the same time, n likewise, its posters were everywhere. guess wat, here in this photoessay, we see that arun gawli's posters are well stuck on the goondaraj poster. how real can reality get??? haina??

My wife has a very strange problem- of panicking very badly every morning to the call bell. Ringgggg. And she shook me up to the effect of a 8
point earthquake on the richter scale.
And mind u guys, thats just the first bell. so wether im sleeping at 2 or 4 am, im still supposed to wake up at 6.30 am...and itrun to open the door to pik up the dhoodh.
After that, 4 more bells.
milkwala.
dog attendent.
kachrawala.
newspaperwala.
bai.
istriwala.
phew.
so wether its sunday or monday, roz i have to eat d(aande)...mental gongs on my head.
wont u feel like gving gaalis? or atleast feel like??

neways coming back to expletives.....
another news: the fact about indian gaalis( expletives) are all aimed at maa, behen's...and well, here in bombay, one guy actually lived up to ggaali he gave to his friend: teri maa ch........ daloonga. guess wat, he raped his friends mom. shameful.he got a sentence of 7 years.

Another piece of news was how a fireman in bangokok, went out of the way, in the truest sense, n rescued one autistic boy stanndin precariously on the ledge- 9 floors above ground level. reminds u of amir khan in taaren zameen par...here it was in the asmaan...the fireman rushed n came back wearin a spidermans outfit...n then slowly made the kid belive tht its a real spiderman...slowly coaxed him, to walk towards him, and grabbed him lovingly wen he was close enuf. one more lovely star saved.
having said tht i hav always wondered, why do autistic kids( mentally retarded kids) pardon the term, why do have such common features as rounded off face, thick lips, sunk eyes...think bout it...wat are the factors tht make them all look similar? im inetested to know he scienifc answer to this.
us

elections loming over, and the farmers in vidharbha mite be wondering, tht till yesterday there were only vultures hoverin around our lands and villages an lavishlyd homes. And where there were no vultures, there were those nasty loan sharks. wow, helicopters are flying all the sky. rejoice guys, rejoice farmers. coz u mite not be alive to see this spectacle again. after 5 years.

BREAKING NEWS: 6 MORE FARMERS COMMITTED SUICIDE IN LAST 24 HOURS IN VIDHARBHA.

Malay shende's exhibition, currently underway at sakshi art galeerRy, next to mcdonalds, vt, shows this irony too drastically. Its at lavishly laid silver table, and rite in the middle, we have the salt n pepper dispensers. Only difference, is that those dispensers contain the ash of certain farmers who committed suicide. great job malay!
One of his sculptures shows a prehistoric man, pushing a pram in which there is this new n improved human being in all his naked glowy, n curled up like a baby..mind u he is a full grown male, and his gentils all exposed. Thank god no right wing left wing or broken wing activists have seen this art, or they will break sakshi art gallerys windows for sure...just like that whole mess they created over tits clits n elephant dicks exhibition.

they say elephants have amazing memory..but les5, he talk vout one indivial named bob petrella...he has been diagnosed with a great beemari called hyperthymescia. hope i remember the name rightly. And yes, he has overdeveloped memory. so much tht right from the age of 5, n today he is 42, he remeber every single moment, conversation, dates wen he met xyz, all his contacts n numbers, by god every single thing. i still remember, ( thats the only thing i remember) that i had scibbled down some statistics for management formulae on my palm, during an exam...but the point is, i dint remeber where to use which formula. i was publicly embarrased, coz in the entire history of somaiya management college, there was no one like me- who got a zero score out of 100. next trial i made a 700% improvement. i got 7 marks. 4rd attempt i got 23. 4th attempt the principal got sick of me and called me to his office n slammed the stats paper in my face, granted me 35 marks out of his poket and kicked me out of college with my degree.
And here at the other end of the spectrum...our netas who have amnessia, n remeber theoir constituneicnes only every 5 years. hahahahsh

In one of agony aunt columns, this boy asks the doc....doc, i and my gf had sex with clothes on, n i ejaculated in my pants only. Now, my g has missed her periods this month and im scared. Could she be pegnant? If i were the doc, i would simply tell him...boss change ur pants later, first change ur gf. coz she seems to be of that ' more lovin' types...and she mite be in love with more than just u.

arre some months back, i saw this classified, n it was clearly mentioned tht it was a kerala massage, n spanisthh massage. Now guys its not that i dont know bout all thhose seedy parlours, those prostitution dens operatig in the guise of parlours...but here it seemed too genuine, and plus it was mentioning a certain doc's name also. So i merrily called up, coz i was having a post-fall pain in my legs. n the voice at the other end asked me, sir aapko kaisi ladki chaiye..hamare pass air hostess se lekar models to college girls to housewives hain. i stuttered....as my wife was rite next to me, and since i wasnt making any secret call, i cared 2 hoots. here i was in pain, and i really needed some massage..and it was a clear need and a solution approach. alas. i banged the phone down. really. not that im a sharif guy who doesnt get attracted to females, hot ones, but jus that im too darpok in such matters, n ive stuck to my wife my cell number and my adreess for the last 8 years. phew!
o
talk bout desperation of diff varietys....and here was a woman who needed a kid badly...and she approached a tantric...first he adviced her to sacrifice a hen, then a goat, and finally he dropped the bombshell..u have to sacrifice a rhino if u want to have a kid...she paid his return airfare, 3 lakh rupees, and more. n then after feeling cheated, she also filed a complaint of cheating. gosh, now u know who to blame for all those missing rhinos in the kaziranga.
Monjul, the cartoonist at DNA, is, mind you, the next superstar cartoonist. amazing wit, amazing black humour, and cutting edge sarcasm. today his cartoon shows varun gandhi reading the gita and saying " yes priyanka did, im reading the gita, n yes im ready to fight with my cousins now.
i would like to rephrase that line: yes didi, im reading the gita,and ram, krishna, and advani, are all on my side. im ready for the new mahabharata war.

reactivating my blog..cheers...n hip hip..shit..my hip bone broke!

chalo im beginignmy blog again today. was jus wondering wat to write thats wen i saw this news. the monster dad and tht tantrik need to undergo some semen smear tests, but they have not been able to ejaculate, for that smal lab test. god knows what thse perverts need toto feel hot again, so tht they get an etection and then the govt can collect their sperm samples. well, who doesnt know tht a man so used to using his daughter for nine long yeatrs, best thing is tht his daughter shoud comeand n bobbit him. agree or not, but rapists cetainly deserve tht punishment. helloo mullaji, hello taliban, hello swat, are u listening??? come n please implement ur shaira law here, atleast in some cases.



jade goody dies and leaves a 9 million pound firtune for her kids. And tht set me wonderring, wat do i leave behind if i perish suddenly...
haath zinda lakh ka, mar jayen toh sava lakh ka...
i have a 10 lakh normal life insurance, and a 25 lakh accident insurace. guess why> coz i drive pretty fast, n wat better way than to die in an accident, so my wife n kids gets 25 lakhs, rokda.
otherwise, as of now, i cant give them 25 lakhs cash neways.
ijust 20 lakhs worth of insurance, jus 3 dogs, 4 kittens, and a collective mourning of 30 dogs who will, hopefuly, cry behinf me., my wife is too practical and she wont cry i know...what would i be doing if i knew tht i was gona die say in one year.
Visiting the mansarovar actually being where that lovely shankar bhagwan is supposedly stayin. i hav e felt him many times, wen i close d my eyes, but hey im like an indian politican, ive switched my loyalties long time back and im in love with hanuman. tho he is a brahmchairi, n im the quite oppostite...but i dont pray to him, i actually feel his warm fur, his broad feet, i see myself being hugged like he hugged ram, i feel every inch and every space of hanuman within me. theres a small hidden dargah near my place, off the highway..for a long time i had heard its a bhootiya place, but one day i jus wanted to go up the hill and discover what lies ahead n inside.It turned out to be a kind soul, shah alam, and rest was all in urdu, i couldnt understand. but hey who needs a language when it comes to matters of the heart.i sat there for 2 hours, offered him a typical giarland, meant for my mandir back hme...n i justs sat there peacefully....praying to tht spirit.
ensuring that all the 30 dogs are sterilised n no more population explotion
seeing my old macdonals had a farm kinda farmhouse- where all the disabled, disoriented and tortured animals, cows, crows donkeys dogs, kittens, and all the rest of noahs ark animals find a home, where they can die in peace. thts a reccuring dream. to see tht dream.
next is, to take my dad n mom to the republic day parade, once.
and yes, i wanna visit amsterdam and see live group sex also, and also i hav too many questions for a porn star...which i wanna ask her...
guess wat, the first question is gona be: ghar pe maa behen baap bhai aur beta aur husband nahi hai kya???what do u feel when they watch ur videos?
hey missy hotty, dnt take me soriously...u jus keep doing wats best...and ill do wat best i can do= watching ur videos.



im sick of indias politicians.
thats why, i will vote.

cartoon thots of the day:
we see manmohan and advani, involved in a slugfest, n thowing stones towards each others glass houses.
a common citizen raj kumar ka famous dialogue marta hai...
" jaani, sheeshe ke mehel main rehne wale log dossro ke upar patthar fenk sakte hain, kyonki dono ka bullet proof glass mere paise se hua hai.
another idea revolves around the recent outburst of vijay mallaya, when he was asked to pay customs duty on the gandhi items coming back to india.
the conversation at the airport:
vijay mallaya" it was my duty as an indian, to bring back indias heritage.
customs officer; this is my duty' sir.

Let me end this revived blog with a photoessay titled; the height of branding.
normally when clients talk of branding, we agency people give them a laundry list of items tht can be branded. Here, is featured the famous DSP black whiskey branding exercise. chek it out for urself and plz coment.

Don't cage birds...it robs them of life....

heres one poster done, meant to spread the message of freedom...for birds....

pass it on to ppl u knoiw who keep pet birds....

Another page...another day....another moment....

My day started with a bang, in the truest sense. When my bike tyre blasted. Chalo, maybe today a cabbie will be 500 bucks richer, thru me, although not altruistically, I thought.

As usual, another exciting day ahead, and I got into the cab. A well-groomed sardar at the wheels, and I dug into my dose of rape, crime, the latest score in Iraq(no, they don’t play cricket, I’m talking bout the daily killings). Strange, that so many matches are going on in that arena, it’s America v/s Iraq, Sunni’s v/s Shias, America v/s Shias and Sunnis United, And so on and so forth( not to mention the matches in Afghanistan and other parts of the world.

Let’s start with news bytes of the day:

A girl selling goodluck charms ( lemon and chillies tied together as a means to ward off evil) is raped in Priyadarshini Park, Mumbai. Poor thing, I guess the guy was more interested in her charms rather.

Doctors at Calcutta medical college accused of raping a woman, who later died. There’s more. Ward boys rape a mentally retarded girl in Meerut. And what is definitely the grand prix news of all, is as we all know: Doctors blamed of terrorist attack in UK. Phew…anything more coming, Doctors??

Talk about drinking, and I got hiccups about 2 pieces of news. TimesNow, carried the news of a DIG being accused of molesting an IAS. Read between the lines here, and you will smell more. And then, there was news about Alistair Pereira, Mumbai’s poor little rich boy who mowed down some 6 to 7 people in a case of drunken driving. Guess what, now he says, that those crushed creatures ooops people were sleeping on the road, and not on the footpath. My dear Alistair, no one needs to be an Alistair McLean to decipher the mystery of your wise comment, for, when drunk, man can rarely make out the difference between a zebra and a zebra crossing. Anyways, we understand your slip of tongue.

Roads(or whatever it is called, in Mumbai) reminds me of a lovely cartoon I had seen as a child. Dabooji, the famous character was walking on the beach with his son. Son asks “ Papa, how do they make nets? Calmly, Dabooji answered “ First they collect all the holes, and then, they sew them together”
Guess, Bombay Municipal Corporation has the same explanation when it comes to the road conditions in Mumbai.

And finally, (it’s just 4.56 pm) when I’m writing this, and a lot of hours left in the day. Yet, this is a nicew way to end: Saw this driver of a mobile cardiac unit, smoking his way to glory on the highway.

Excerpts from my daily diary

SEEN. HEARD. READ. OBSERVED. WONDERED.

Well its another lovely day, and ask me how handicapped I feel, when I don’t have my bike. “Taxi”, I called out. And next moment I was on my way to office. Damn, I’m gonna be late again today…I said to myself.

Newshound that I am, I opened the first newspaper.


And before I could read the first headline, I stopped at a traffic signal, where there was this charming street girl selling roses. Without a moments delay, I called her and picked up a bunch of red roses and paid her off. Cut back to me, sitting in the cab, hitting the first headline of the day- RED MOSQUE ( Lal Masjid) operation successful. Ghazi killed. The report continued, quoting an eye witness. That there was blood all around, lots of dead bodies..ooops…I glanced at the bunch of red roses on the seat. Red- it’s the colour of love as much as it is of hate. Wish reality could also be so rosy red. But then, that would be called “ Wonderland” isn’t it? Ran a few pages more inside, and reading the last interview of late Apar Singh Bajwa, who was, the then DSP of Amristsar, when operation Bluestar was carried out. Sounds so similar when today it’s Lal Masjid in the news, where radical extremists have taken control of a religious place. Re-cap to the time when the Golden Temple was annexed by Bhindrawale and his maniac bunch. And even that operation ended in red.

Well, let’s talk bout roses now. I wonder what Rose, a 14 year old girl, from Calcutta, might be doing. Rose was a maid in my society and was a victim of major abuse, violence and torture while she was in the clutches of her cruel employers. After a women’s organization was informed, she was rescued. She survived the ordeal and though her bones were battered, but not her soul. Bones, did I hear? My parents wanted me to be a Bone Specialist, but what I became was a funny bone specialist, Huh. As we all know, today, is 11th July, the first anniversary???) of the Mumbai Train Blasts. And how strange, that Mumbai Police thinks that terrorists will/may strike on this very same day. Arre CP Sir, even terrorists have an I.Q. Why should they attack on a day when security is supposed to be the tightest.

Saw this picture of a sniffer dog conducting checks at nthe railway station. Here’s how the conversation goes between the 2 sniffer dogs of Mumbai Police:

Dog 1: Arre boss, kuch mila kya.
Dog 2: Nahi yaar, yeh Mumbai police bhi na, khali peeli bahut kaam kara tein hai. Arre yaar, everyday I have to work 14 hours a day.
Dog 1: Man, guess what, I’m having such a bad nose and a sore throat now. I’m planing to take part in a Himeshbhai voice contest.
Dog 2: Wish there was a bomb threat at Mallika Sherawat’s house. Atleast bomb nahi, toh sex bomb toh dekhne ko milega.
Dog 1: Chalo, I hope your wish is fulfilled. Every dog has its day hahahah.

Headlines are funny stuff these days. Sample this: HT says 24 cops slaughtered by Maoists. DNA says 20 Maoists killed, and 27 cops missing. Now, what’s missing in both, is the real fact, right? Or so it seems. I tend to go on to serious topics more often but then blame it on Newspapers, ok? Ask them why they carry news items that are mostly serious. Or else why should I write about cops and Maoists being killed like flies.

And flies bring me to another item. I mean news item. A study says that Bird flu can spread through houseflies also. Gosh, how are we going to cull all those flies now, just as all the birds were culled during the last scare. Think, think think. Write in with your answer…early bird( !) wins a surprise gift.

A few more tit-bits.
Headline: Pawar kills several birds with one stone.
My line: Sir, instead, could you please spare a thought for a bird sanctuary?

Headline: Mayawati orders the razing of a stadium for a Kanshiram Memorial.

My line: Thank god, the vigilant citizens and players were more athletic than her, and managed to run to the judge’s home at 1.15 in the night to get a stay order.
Having a beer. And I read this news. 76mn in the world suffer from alchohol related disorders. Reminds me of a line I read sometime back. When I read the ill-effects of drinking, I stopped. Reading.

A prostitute is also someone's mother.

Everytime i would see images of those women, dressed flashily, garish make up, and with a pure in hand and magalsutra around the neck....i would feel like yukkk....who would be ready to fuck them..i used to think....i measn how can one feel hot seeing such dirty ugly women....

i was wrong....

i was nasty..

i was disgusting my my thinking....

this wednesday nite, as i finished with my workshop at madh island, at the resort, i was in a mad rush to go back home..since i dint hav network on my cell, i thot i will call up from some coin box...

i stopped...n dialled the first number...i jus got a strange strong perfume aroma...n i saw this woman standing next to me...maybe waiting for the pco box....
i asked her politely..n she said yes she needs to call....since i was going to be pretty long on the call, i thot it wise to let her call first.

dint heat anything. but its now that i realised that the [place where i was standing was a seedy looking hotel, bustling with activity, of girls n guys, walking in and out..of those small rooms lined up on either side.

my curiosity got the better of me.

as i called up my wife, i saw men coming n talking to those women....kitna legi re....ek shot ka kitna...total 300 rupiya plus room ka 100 rupiya....kinda things i overheard....

meanwhile the flow was on...arre even some hot n rich looking couples i saw driving in with luxury cars...skodas n the hyundai accents...all heading for that ultimate pleasure experiuence in one of those secluded rooms/cottages. n mind u, no hint of being guilty, no hint of doing something wrong....well who am i to judge...after all, today its a free economy n a free world...any 2 consenting adults can indulge into anything......

i crept a bit closer to hear what they were talking...this shabby looking rickshawala and this middle aged woman....

the conversation, interspersed with gaalis, swear words....

arre 300 rupiya toh bahut hai re...tu toh abhi buddhi(old) hai.....
ur not as tight as a young woman..so why r u asking for so much money.....

the negotiations contd...

thats when the woman, sad n poor looking, and no make up in the world could hide her feelings that wat she is doing is out of plain majboori.....

she asnswered the call.....and guess wat...it was her son/daughter....

haan, beta, main jaldi hi ghar pe pahunch jaoongi....thoda kaam hai abhi baki....beta guddi ka khayal rakhna....darwaja bandh rakhna...aur haan, tun khana kha lena...

she disconnected..and left for one of the rooms, in that dark corner.....with that rickshaw wala...

he must be really hungry for sex right now....

meanwhile...she...must have spread her legs, taken the man inside...and while the action is on....

she must be thinking about her little kid...who also needs to be fed khana tommorow....

Finance Minister- and sweeping changes

The first thing u think of, when we say sweeper, is a man, armed with a broom, mite be looking old, hassled, ragged clothes...etc etc. But look at this picture, dated 1st march, 2007, published in Hindustan Times. Yes, it's jus outside the Fincance Minister's Office, and who you see in brand new sneakers( Nike??) a crisp tight fit jeans and a bracelet on his hand...is a sweeper.

Liberalisation has reached! Atleast outside the FM's office. Only time will tell, when it will reach those farmers in vidharbha...maybe as they say philosophicaly...after seven births. Hey farmers, plz commit suicide 7 times....