Sunday, December 25, 2011
TWEETY MUST FLY: How engineers from IIT, space scientists from Nasa, Docs from Bombay and an advertising guy- all collaborated for one Bird's dream!
That morning also, the donkey came near our gate. He waited patiently- till my wife came out, gave him khana- and then applied a concotion of medicines, haldi and all. Like an obedient cow- he would stand silently bearing that burning pain of tincture bezoine- haldi and antiseptics- on his badly bruised open flesh would- that his owner had left him with- and abandoned him. Just then- from nowhere...a man came with a plastic bag, and in it- was something fluttering. He asked- Doctorni saab hain? I was flummoxed- as there was no vet in and around a single mile radius....next second i assumed he was talking about my wife. As the story unfolded- it was an injured parot- with its wings badly cut...and his toe nails/claws completely unstable and in bad shape. We immediately took it in- it was our first' ever winged guest....besides Coco- one small rescued puppy, one huge alsation which we had picked up from Chembur bridge, and yes, our very own Prince, Misha, Cherry- and the new 5 puppy litter. The house was a total mess...imagine- just total 5 rooms- a small lawn- a heavily pregnant wife- and so many pets and animals running around.
That night, we kept Tweety- a name we gave to the parrot- along with coco, in the bedroom. To make things more comfortable and natural- we got a small twig that was looking like a proper pedestal- so tweety can rest n stand on it- just the way birds are acustomed to.
Coco-the one month old puppy and tweety- that nigt shared a room- and maybe in must have communicated thru their divine animal langugae....who knows...Tweety...meanwhile was still under severe trauma, n was re-actionaless, motionless, and almost lifeless- no feelings at all.....maybe it was too early to expect it to bounce back to life....
As a few days passed by, spreading a buffet of chillies, guavas, cherries..etc in front of tweety became ritual...and well, coco, the lil one would also start running around as soon as it was spread on the ground. Tweety starting re-acting. Feelings expressions n life started being re-ignited....it started teeting/whisteling..screaming....as and when coco would try coming near its cherries or guavas....those were the first signs of life..in tweety....as now...he had not only accepted coco as its friend, but also a foe- in jolly spirit...it was a friendship built on innocense and curiosity....where both of them were just trying to know each other...the parrot and the puppy....
The friendship got funnier day by day- as every morning, we used to take tweety to the terrace- and there-we would spread lot of cherries chillies and all the birdy delights. Now, it was an area where the winged population was pretty good-especially parrots..so slowly gradually- a lot of parrots started coming on the terrace. The whole idea was- socialisation with its own kind will revive tweety, make it feel happy, and lso give it more self confidence. As weeks rolled- tweety was a new- fresh and revived parrot- singing and hopping around...every morning whisteling and waking us up around 6.....Sometimes he would hop over even to cocos bed...and then both will tease each other...As we realised, tweety was only not scared of coco- but whenever misha or prince would walk in the room- it was always perified.....and would sit very firmly on my shoulder.
The back-to-life and whisteling schedule was tweety was far rom over. It was, after all a bird, and they belong to the sky, the blues and the wirld- not in 4 walls and under a cement roof.
Now the first big question was: Will tweety ever fly again? Conventional wisdom said- it wouldnt- since the wings were clipped from the base by some sick pet seller/dealer.
The vet said- not possible. I said- WHY NOT??
Studied hours to understand 'wing' dynamics, aero dynamics (basic) and tried to figure out some way. There has to be a way it can fly again- even if it means a 'prostheitc wing implant'. But how.
It was a rainy day when i entered the gates of IIT, Powai.That's one place- i knw- u can ask the craziest of questions, think the unthinkable- n yet, ppl wont send u to an asylum.
First stop was a gang on students-outside the aeronautics building. I explained my idea' rather question.....and i did understand that the 'wings' are one of the most complex ever natural fabrication that has still not been understood by scientists 100 pcnt.He said- we havent been able to achive even 20% perfection to a birds wing' dynamics..but yes- best part was they were interested, they were encouraging...and then guided me to the materials management team- the same team that had developed the Jaipur foot- an Indian prosthetic limb.In the next few days, there was a flurry of communication which i had with the students- sharing, postulating, and kinda trying to comprehend. One group also put up this case- in their student committee- for discussion- and brainstorming. The entire cycle was supposed to be on suppositions. But mainly on one question- WHY NOT?
Code named 'TWEETY MUST FLY' i continued meeting, writing to, and interacting with many people. The entire process was going to be in 3 parts:
a) to develop the right kinda wings.
b) to find the best composite material for making the wing
c) a surgeon who will take up the chalenge of fixing the wings.
It sounded like a dream project...and news did spread to quarters i dint even expect. A famous vet surgeon from Bombay, called up and said- if u guys can make the wings- i can fix it for tweety. a materials expert from iit kharagpur also chipped in with his support and said- he too will try his best in making some light material in the lab. The biggest surprise was a letter from an Indian Scientist from NASA. He said- i will be coming to India in December and will certainly try my best to help in this project. And make tweety fly.
Perhaps that night, i imagined myself to be tweety....flying high in the sky, doing somersaults, eating fresh guavas from trees...etc....
To me, the project was moving full steam- on the power of hope and help from a number of people- especially when there was no 'commercial' angle to it.
Weeks rolled into 2 months- and it was just around november...
Morning time, was our prince tweety's time.....time to sit on his throne made of a twig, and then moment he was on the terrace, he would run, scream, jump....to gleee...and have his heart's fill ...and also inviting over many of his own kind. 9.30am it was time to bring him back, as i had to leave for office....and as usual, i went up, and he hopped on the twig.
Just as i was walking down the stairs- the last stair- i stumbled....fell...lost my balance.tweety too fell....and Misha- my 2nd doggy was right there....tweety fell right in front of her- and in one instant and instinctive reaction- she just put her paw on tweety. Impulse- and meant no harm.
But it was too much of a trauma for tweety.
It turned cold.
No response.
Tweety had flown away. Forever.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
LOVE' in a Bombay CAB
LOVE IN A BOMBAY CAB: A true story: In a city starved of space, freedom,and infested with moral police- cabs are one of the safest places where ppl love' on the go. Loverbirds, even married couples grab their share of 5 mins of 'romantik' moments...and it wasnt too unsual to see, that evening, a cab where we saw a couple pull each othr closer. I was on the bike with my art-director Bhushan, i just told him- hey look, there's some hanky panky going on in the cab ahead. It was bumper to bumper traffic and we were right behind the cab- and it was going to be that way for sometime. Suddenly what caught our attention was- the woman;s head was bobbing up and down every 2 mins...the idiotic voyeur in me- and the dirty mind that i am- i told bhushan- hey i think she is doing a Monika Lewinsky number- right therein the cab...see see see....even bhushan said- aiila- true man...luk how besharam ppl hav become- a bj right in the cab?? A few minuts pased..and we just about managed to overtake the cab- assuming that like all others around-we too are going to see them in a compromising position- Gosh. It wasnt. There was a small baby in the man's lap...and the woman- the mother....was baar baar...bending down and kissing the lil smilig innocent baby.....what we thought....and wat it turned out to be....
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
INDIAN BLOOD......
WORLD'S SHORTEST STORY: Once, there was a big fat mosquito in Bombay.Like politicians, he loved to suck blood...that nigt, he thot, lemme take a round and find some good victims. First he bit jaspreet singh.then ashfaq shaikh, his neighbor. Lil ahead, down the road..he found father thomas.....and then...girija shankar...a lil orphan..playing on the road..saw the mosquito and in one swipe-smashed it...N guess wat- he was assuming that it will be red- but the mosquito'es blood was in 3 colors. Our tri-color: Jai hind.
Friday, November 11, 2011
CHANAKYA'S CHAKKRAVYUH: BRAND IDENTITY
BRAND IDENTITY: It's India's first board game that teaches the nuances of finance, investments, opportunties....and how to create passive income. Based on CHanakya's arthshastra and 'corporate chanakya' radhakrishnan pillai's famus book- the challenge was to create a brand identity( logo- in layman terms) to integrate Chanakyas 2000 yr old wisdom with the current day scenario of the rupee.....hence, this marriage between the ruppe symbol and chanakya- that led to creation of this idea and identity. the hottest n the latest work...presenting here for ur comments n views.
By: Ashish Vyas
Sunday, October 30, 2011
An interview with the F1 DOG- his name is CIRCUIT.
3 DAYS BACK....A STRAY DOG ENTERED THE F1 CIRCUIT AND IT TOOK ALMOST 20 MINUTES FOR THE OFFICIALS TO DRIVE HIM AWAY. ONCE APREHENDED, I MANAGED TO SNEAK INTO THE GURGAON JAIL, AND INTERVIEWED THIS DOG-
Q: Hey doggy,i'm from Faking Times, and i wish to interview you. Can you spare a few minutes?
The dog just growled...till i handed over some Dog biscuits that i was carrying-just to bribe him...incase...he acts like....
Dog: Look, in the first place, don't call me a 'dog'. My name's F1. Or pyarse some bitches have started calling me 'Circuit'. Choose your option.
Ok then, circuit...how did you manage to enter such a high-security and VIP area..and why.
Circuit said '' man it was simple...i made friends with some of the police sniffer dogs...and i just generally requested one 'foreign dog' that i want to take a closer look...and he kinda agreed if i introduced him to some 'desi' bitch...the deal was cracked and he let me in....
Oh i see....i said. But what was like so tempting...that you wanted to risk coming inside??
Grrrr....you humans wont understand...see i've always had a fetish for car tyres..and u know why..each time i see a tyre, my leg goes up and...pisssssssssss
Awww cmon don't be gross now..we all know that about dogs...ooops i mean know it about you....
So- the dog continued- i've been there, done that-on every single brand in this country...From vintage car tyres, to mrf, ceat, pirreli....u name and ive done it....but..i had never done it on an F1 car tyre. That was one ultimate dream i always had ever since i was relocated from this area-in a bid to build this circuit..you know, here, there is space for elephants but no dogs....so kinda wanted to prove a point to mayawati behen also....
i said- hey are you getting into some social dynamics and political analysis...
Circuit continued...see, every dog, and every bitch has his/her day...this moment was mine..and i wanted to be a hero...
By the way- i said- did u know British bookies had placed bets on you- i mean on this event- that dogs will certainly run on this circuit....
What...circuit said..i never saw any politicians running on this track...ohhhh u mean us, the 4 legged dogs....hahahah...ya i read about it...100:1 ka bet tha...good chalo, i made someone rich in some way..i atleast contributed to some human's welfare....hey i gotta share one thing with you...just before the race started, there was a bomb scare...and all the sniffer dogs were rushed to the stands...and in the dressing room....
one dog- passing by mallaya- said...he was reeking of alchohol and octane mix...and he was discussing how to cut down jet's pilots...
another dog, who happend to find a trail...ultimately ended up in the prvate room of Mallika sherawat....huh Bomb- or so it seems- that dog exclaimed....
the 3rd one, wen he came back after sniffing the entire area came back with a sore nose- all he could smell was some perfume called WAYAMATI...he said it was smelling like elephant dung....he said, wen he entered the ladies loo, he found one 'gent's inside....
Huh...let it go...let her rest for a while...na...
What are your future plans??
Circuit says....mmmmmm future plans well i have a lot of em now...
First is to try to buy a 4ft by 4ft kennel somewhere around Noida or Gurgaon...u know im no more a slumdog, im a slumdog millionnaire....but still, looking at the real estate prices, i cant afford to buy a kennel in Delhi.....
Guess what, i saw Shumaker...and im gona order some good pair of shoes from him, now that im famus and will earn royalty on talk shows and tv shows on animal planet..If rakhi sawant can be on tv, why not me??
Then, im going to start a grroming school.for dogs...not elephants....i will give the contract to Jaypee group only..they r too good....
Next, i will visit the jail- Tihar jail, with one of my Rabid cousins...i will pretend that im there for a visit, but i will ensure that my cousin bites all those buggers who r giving us a bad name...those dogs like Kalamadi, A .raja., Kanhi.......ive already prepared an entire bite-list....just wait and watch....
All of a sudden, the jail door opens, i hear a clanking sound, and i see DAHRMENDRA enter the same cell, where i am interviewing this dog......
Kutte.....main tera khoon pee jaoonga.........
I run, the dog runs.....and interview is cut short....
THE MAID WHO MADE IT....BIG!
who made it!!!
Shy, innocent and a bit rag-tagged, she walked into our house on that morning, along with her mother. The initial information exchange over, her mother left, and the girl- who we had hired as a caretaker- was shown her room, her corner and also given a download of the pets- each pet's ka nature, who's aggressive, who to play with and who to stay away from- and every single idiosyncrasy of each one- Prince, Misha and Cherry- respectively. Didn't have much info tho, to share with her on the new-born baby- for whom she was going to be the caretaker.
Days and weeks passed by and she was part of our family- playing with the kid, taking care of her while mom is away for a while, or simply soaking the baby in the early morning sun...I and my wife could make out one thing for sure- that this girl- the maid if be put in crude terms, and caretaker-if a little polished way to say- was certainly different from the rest. She was curious, wanted to know more, asked many questions on everything- right from music to arts, to even sciences....and that, when she was barely educated upto 9th standard.
All her curiousity led us to one conclusion- that this girl doesnt deserve to be a maid- just because she is poor. Her ambitions and her level of thinking is too different and we gotta do something about her. So, one day, my wife struck a conversation with her and asked 'beta, what do you want to do in life" what's your goal.....Out poured her stories of how her father hadn't allowed her to study, how she was crushed in her family and what traumas she has undergone. The answer came at the end- she said- DIDI, i want to become a famous beautician. I want to have my own Beauty parlor 2 years from now. Bang on! She was different- because she had a dream, a mission, and ambition. It was only a question of how to reach there.
Things were worked out for her- first step to get her enrolled in a good course- we couldn't allocate so much money at one shot- so we worked out an emi arrangement with the parlor. Next- was to allot the entire afternoon time slot for this girl- and 3rd- to ensure that even in her absence, all the things went off smoothly.
Done and over, on the first day this innocent yet fire-in-her-eyes girl came back all smiles, and in a prancing style. She was almost in tears as she thanked my wife for this big opportunity and all. My wife maintained her composure- and in a typical shaadi-ke-time-and-just-before-the-fera style- she said " But hum ek baat toh kehna bhool hi gaye"......The girl was a bit shaken...maybe all of a sudden she thought something has gone wrong. Maybe her father has come to pick her up. Maybe we have changed our mind. Maybe......
Before the next thought flashed across the lil girls mind- my wife said ; Dekho beta- we want one major promise from you....Before wife completed her line, the girl said didi, mujhe bhi aapse baat karni thi....about the fees....i never knew you have paid so much..how will i return the money.....It was my wife's turn to interrupt and then....Humko yeh fees nahi chaiye vvapis....but ek promise chaiye tumse. That tomorrow, when you open your own beauty parlour- you will teach 3 underprivileged girls free of cost. The girl stood silent for a while- and said. 'didi' main kasam khati hoon, main vaisa hi karoongi.
Time flew, and after a few months, she completed her course. My baby too, had grown up a bit and now, and it was time for us to push this girl away from the comforts she was getting too used to. lLest she forget her goal.
She cried a lot while leaving, and we told her ' the next time we wanna see you- is with an invite' of your own Beauty parlor. We will wait for that moment.
Life moved on....till one such day- a couple of years back, we heard a knock on our door. On opening- we saw what we had maybe subliminally waited for. The lil girl had grown up- was carrying a big box of sweets, and a glittering card in her hand. She hadn't forgotten that Prince- my first doggy loved Monginis and that too, she had brought in full stock. A big chocolate for wife. And a silver kada for my baby- which was now 3 years old.
Yes, her dream she had fulfilled. And today, she had a full-fledged beauty parlor, some 20 tolas of gold she has made for herself, she has renovated her house, complete with all the modern gadgets- and lastly- she has taught not less than 8 girls-free of cost' at her parlor.
Reminds you of one sign that many rickshaws in Bombay sport behind their hood 'Ek mulgi sheekli, toh parivar sheekla.' When you teach a girl, you are educating an entire family.
Shy, innocent and a bit rag-tagged, she walked into our house on that morning, along with her mother. The initial information exchange over, her mother left, and the girl- who we had hired as a caretaker- was shown her room, her corner and also given a download of the pets- each pet's ka nature, who's aggressive, who to play with and who to stay away from- and every single idiosyncrasy of each one- Prince, Misha and Cherry- respectively. Didn't have much info tho, to share with her on the new-born baby- for whom she was going to be the caretaker.
Days and weeks passed by and she was part of our family- playing with the kid, taking care of her while mom is away for a while, or simply soaking the baby in the early morning sun...I and my wife could make out one thing for sure- that this girl- the maid if be put in crude terms, and caretaker-if a little polished way to say- was certainly different from the rest. She was curious, wanted to know more, asked many questions on everything- right from music to arts, to even sciences....and that, when she was barely educated upto 9th standard.
All her curiousity led us to one conclusion- that this girl doesnt deserve to be a maid- just because she is poor. Her ambitions and her level of thinking is too different and we gotta do something about her. So, one day, my wife struck a conversation with her and asked 'beta, what do you want to do in life" what's your goal.....Out poured her stories of how her father hadn't allowed her to study, how she was crushed in her family and what traumas she has undergone. The answer came at the end- she said- DIDI, i want to become a famous beautician. I want to have my own Beauty parlor 2 years from now. Bang on! She was different- because she had a dream, a mission, and ambition. It was only a question of how to reach there.
Things were worked out for her- first step to get her enrolled in a good course- we couldn't allocate so much money at one shot- so we worked out an emi arrangement with the parlor. Next- was to allot the entire afternoon time slot for this girl- and 3rd- to ensure that even in her absence, all the things went off smoothly.
Done and over, on the first day this innocent yet fire-in-her-eyes girl came back all smiles, and in a prancing style. She was almost in tears as she thanked my wife for this big opportunity and all. My wife maintained her composure- and in a typical shaadi-ke-time-and-just-before-the-fera style- she said " But hum ek baat toh kehna bhool hi gaye"......The girl was a bit shaken...maybe all of a sudden she thought something has gone wrong. Maybe her father has come to pick her up. Maybe we have changed our mind. Maybe......
Before the next thought flashed across the lil girls mind- my wife said ; Dekho beta- we want one major promise from you....Before wife completed her line, the girl said didi, mujhe bhi aapse baat karni thi....about the fees....i never knew you have paid so much..how will i return the money.....It was my wife's turn to interrupt and then....Humko yeh fees nahi chaiye vvapis....but ek promise chaiye tumse. That tomorrow, when you open your own beauty parlour- you will teach 3 underprivileged girls free of cost. The girl stood silent for a while- and said. 'didi' main kasam khati hoon, main vaisa hi karoongi.
Time flew, and after a few months, she completed her course. My baby too, had grown up a bit and now, and it was time for us to push this girl away from the comforts she was getting too used to. lLest she forget her goal.
She cried a lot while leaving, and we told her ' the next time we wanna see you- is with an invite' of your own Beauty parlor. We will wait for that moment.
Life moved on....till one such day- a couple of years back, we heard a knock on our door. On opening- we saw what we had maybe subliminally waited for. The lil girl had grown up- was carrying a big box of sweets, and a glittering card in her hand. She hadn't forgotten that Prince- my first doggy loved Monginis and that too, she had brought in full stock. A big chocolate for wife. And a silver kada for my baby- which was now 3 years old.
Yes, her dream she had fulfilled. And today, she had a full-fledged beauty parlor, some 20 tolas of gold she has made for herself, she has renovated her house, complete with all the modern gadgets- and lastly- she has taught not less than 8 girls-free of cost' at her parlor.
Reminds you of one sign that many rickshaws in Bombay sport behind their hood 'Ek mulgi sheekli, toh parivar sheekla.' When you teach a girl, you are educating an entire family.
Monday, October 24, 2011
A tribute to the UNCOMMON MAN....
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Jungle v/s concrete jungle....
JUNGLE V/S CONCRETE JUNGLE.....the fight continues, the struggle and conflict is ongoing between man and nature...somewhere forests are denuded and some places, the earth is being made hollow- as if pulling out its intestines- via mining...BUT some shining examples- took this shot near SIES COLLEGE,NERUL yesterday...A beutiful poem of life it is.. They built the wall, but left the tree alive..CO-EXISTENCE will help, competition will kill.....
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
FREEDOM STRUGGLE- 2011
Thought when the entire country is rallying behind one man- anna hazare, and the nations mood is all go-out-get-em, then how do we bring that sentiment on a tshirt= Here's one rendition that speaks just that. Designed and conceived especially for tomorrows Independence day- and Anna Hazare's movement- which is urs and mine too!
Monday, August 8, 2011
The curse of Ganpati( that u never heard)
CURSE OF GANPATI- THAT U HAVE NEVER HEARD: GO beta, make me in plaster of paris (pop), use toxic colors that kill thousands of fish n other marine life, go ahead and destroy the fragile waterbodies by dumping me anywhere in any water body, use ample thermocol that is harmful for ur own plants n lakes...jaa mera ashirwad hai tere liye..my blessings are with u- go destroy ur self....( or use eco friendly tiny earthen murti's)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Anmol Diwali card - a diamond client
Monday, August 1, 2011
TIKONA WIRELES BROADBAND- CAMPAIGN 2 ( SEPT 2009)
BORN AGAIN: A campaign that was done for a wirelesss broadband service provider- Tikona. Core thought was- no matter what ur age, whatever profession and whatever service uve been using so far- today, with this- its like ur born again.
Tikona Wireless Broadband- Campaign 1( Teaser plus launch)
This was a campaign done for the launch of a wireless broadband company, in Bombay. Please copy paste the link in ur browser if this link doesnt work directly.
Cheers n jai hind
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Wish i could have done the art-direction too!
The entire idea was to bring out the corollary of how, some words of wisdom and some moments are as precious as pearls. And what better way to show an oyster and then capture the same cd-cover opening- just like an oyster...the idea was good but i thin much left to be desired on the art diection front....
Indian Innovation....
You can cut me, but u cant kill me..and my spirit.
Human spirit is something that can never be fathomed, measured, or slotted. The best of the gems of the world have been born out of adversity, hardship, and no matter what came their way, no matter how many times they were uprooted, and how many times humiliated- theres something called hope and confidence that always helped them get bac on track, on their mission. Here, this hacked tree is evidence- and likewise, that green lil offshoot- its coming back to life...to lead the way and to be a leader again...
Hittin the nail on its head....
Red Alert
Benefits of Bombay's potholes a) Many women deliver in the rickshaw/cab while still being rushed to the hospital. Saves hospitalisation and delivery charges. b) Breaks your back sometimes so badly, you simply can take a chutti c) If you are peacefully dreaming and thinking of ideas on ur car seat, some potholes, so big, they shake u wake u off ur slumber- reality chek. d) gives double income to puncturwalas, tyre walas, othopeadics, axle repairers,- n a lot more ppl.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
What happens when garbage starts talking...
It was a cold rainy night, when the last truck came and picked up the garbage outside Sion station. What remained behind was- an empty carton of Bagpiper, a Dhara Oil tetrapack, a few random rotting vegetables, a discarded condom, a pile of wet newspapers, a solitary hai-pin, and a torn and tattered soft-toy that looked a bit like tweety.
Out of nowhere, the whiskey carton, breaking the silence of the night, started talking. Hey guys, where have you u come from….as far as I’m concerned, a i few hours back at one Garudkar’s house….they had good fun, and he drank so much he collapsed on the sofa only. Taking a cue, all other items of garbage, as if sprung to life…and that’s where this story’s title came from: A rotton article
The Dhara groundnut oil pack said…You know, my batchmates, who were born, packed, transferred and sold- all over India, they all claim to have a shelf life of 6 months atleast…but in this Gujju family, I only lasted for a month. Forget cholesterol, fats or anything, oil flows like water in their food..no wonder they have been listed in the WHO list also, as potentially high-risk communities- a study pertaining o food habits and health hazards in India.…zindagi bus do din ki uske yahan.
The condom, of course, stretched a bit, and as throbbed back to life ( pun intended). It said ‘ boss, apun ka kaam hai public ko bachana and masti dena…whatever little time I lived, I sure had fun…good fun…and plus I’m also doing my bit to control the menace of AIDS, Population explosion and…just my way to live a good meaningful life. Am happy this way..I had a good time… woah…lemme tell u guys ive been there, done that…
The hair-pin started crying…she said..i was just bought 2 days ago from JNPT…my god let me tell those guys, those officers are so bloddy corrupt, that nothing moves beyond the gates, unless and until bribes are paid. By the way, people, I’m from China…nowadays I don’t see any Indian hair pins. Am shocked that even the smallest of things are imported, and all I can think of is- how is the Indian small-scale sector and cottage industry going to survive this onslaught? A tomato tried to brush her aside- and the hair-pin blurted some swear word in Chinese, leaving the tomato really fuming red. Regaining her composure, she said- soy guys, but I can’t speak Marathi..only mandarin and English…O yes, how I came here? This girl just across the road got a new hair untangling shampoo, n next moment- as if she doesn’t need me…simply tossed me in the garbage…
Hearing all this, a rotten cabbage, removed a few layers from his face and then, said, gosh, I travelled all the way from Sangli to Bombay…but there are no cold chain facilities in India. Just imagine I was freshly born just 2 days back…and see me now! Even before I reached the vegetable market, I was stinking and rotting within.
And I’m not alone facing this curse. Wheat from Punjab, every year they suffer the same ignominy. Poor things, millions of them lie in the open, braving sun and rain, and finally rot to death. See see see, can you see that beggar scavenging the roadside hotel bin for food? I wish, we had good storage and transport facilities- nobody would ever go hungry in India that way.
The Newspaper, was the loudest. Naturally, because it was a tabloid and it loved to scream, shout and sensationalise everything- including bomb blasts and accidents. It said- Bhai-lok, did you even know why that dumper left so fast, and why it goes so fast on the road- even at the cost of crushing innocent lives now and then? It’s all a big scam perpetrated by these vehicle contractors and the BMC. More the rounds it makes, higher the scam money and inflated bills…and by the way, see open me and read my 3rd page. There’s a fresh scoop on how Anti-Corruption department’s Officer was caught red handed taking a bribe. And also, on page 16, a story on how a woman was murdered last night at Antop Hill just because her boyfriend suspected her having an affair with her husband…..huh…nobody was interested…except one broken specs, without one glass…it just hopped on and went to read that part of the story.
Meanwhile, a dog came, sniffed all around- picked up one soundless bread that was all green with fungus, and went off happily to feed its hungry puppies which were crying under some pipe…she was pretty happy…and was feeling happy that her kids wont go hungry- at least for tonite.
Next moment, a rumbling sound….and in a split second, everybody realized…that its time they will be picked up and dumped in the truck…..the whiskey box was the liveliest and somehow, he spotted what nobody else could- it was a small bundle wrapped in tissue paper…but still throbbing a bit…seems it was freshly thrown out of an auto rickshaw passing by…
The box went closer, took the help of the condom and the broken specs…..all the three of them went to that small pink looking thing…opened it and….they dint know what it was…they asked…who are you, what are you, where did you come from?
The small pink thing replied…I don’t know my name- all I know that I’m a foetus…a girl foetus.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
HOW ONE FAT FROG SHOOK THE WORLD'S STOCK MARKET
The marketing manager was scratching his head. Getting wet in the rains, he was still wondering what he should do, to increase the sales of his mosquito coils thru innovative means. The competition was tough, and peneration into already existing segments was hard as good as chewing a steel burger. As he walked thru the puddles, and inching towards his office, his sights fell on a fat big frog- who, in one split second, swallowed 3 large dengue mosquitoes. Gulp...burrpppp...the frog exclaimed.The marketing manager was simply in awe of this frogs technique, skill, speed and effectiveness. He went upto the big fat frog and said- hey bugger, will u be open to a business proposal? Will you be ready to join hands on a big mission? Frog, didnt bother too much- as his lightening tongue slithered in and out and downed 5 more flies. MMMmmmmmm he said- so what's the deal, sirjee? Wah plan and what proposal. Please elaborate. No hidden clauses and all- i hope- and no false promises of a princess kissing me and marrying me and shit. The maager said- Oh no- all in black n white- on paper- a legal MOU. Are you by any chance missing 2 letters in that word- is it mouse' that u said- or....Nooooo quipped the manager , MOU means Memorandum of understanding. Ahhhh said the fat one. Ok, tell me the deal.
Here's he offer: Buy one mosquito coil, get one pet frog free. That's the revolutionary offer i want to announce in the market. Going by Goodnites, All-out, and Tortoise coils, i have to be different. Radically different. And to make this offer happen, i will need millions of you, frogs, to go to buyers homes...customers will lap up this offer, and plus they will have all round security from mosquitoes and other flying pests....since you guys would be taking over. The fat frog thought about it for a minute and said- but what's in it for me?? Manager explained- see normally nobody allows you inside the house, right? Here. im making you an integral part of my brand, and you frogs will piggyback on, and inside. Once they get used to this double deal, its a completely new market, an we reach an impregnable position. Competition also wont be able to replicate this offer, as you frogs would come under one umbrella and one mou- unless, of course they import frogs from china- which in any case not possible, coz from china, even if they import frongs, they would all be leg-less. Legs are the bigest delicacy- u know, in in China. The fat one, bent over, in an attempt to look at his own legs, but he couldnt. His belly wouldnt give him that view.
The fat frog said; Gime some time to internalise this proposal, brainstorm with my team, give them a download of ur proposal; I'l get back to you in a days time. Manager said- and as fa as you are concerned- as the CEO of frogs, you will be assigned only duty at some royal places- maybe Vijay mallayas bunglow, or at Antilla- Ambani's. Mmmmmm...said the fat frog, and splashed back in water.
On the table, now the talks proceeded and finally, after almost 3 hours of croaking, both the parties signed the deal.The manager fixed up a day and date, when he would announce this offer, and how he is going to release full page ads in TOI and HT and MId-Day, and started working out the budgets. The frog meanwhile, took help of a retired logistics manager and worked out the end-to-end chain- and also finalised which frogs will be assigned which area. For instance, the Gujju frogs were to go in gujarati areas and the marathi croacking frogs would go to areas like dadar. The south indian frogs were assigned the areas of sion and matunga, where there is prime concentration of south indians. The methodism was- every time a customer buys a coil, a frog will jump and sit on the pack- of course, frog will have a branded jacket and all.
The entire market was taken by storm, the world press, Harvard, Wharton, Time, google- the marketing managers unique idea was all over the place. He became an overnight sensation,across the business world, and now, jetting across the world, with obscene offers and partnership poposals in his poket. He left the company be run by his juniors and as it is, the entire system was all in place, so no worries no cares.
Meanwhile, at the other end, frogs had been acccepted as pets all over, and became quite friendly in homes where they were stationed.The fat frog also became a millionaire, and now, he never used to catch flies or mosquitoes- he simple ordered tinned cans and fried pest delicacy from where else- China. He became arrogant, and vain, and started bossing over. At his end, he tied up with some language institutes to train frogs in foreign languages as, the company was looking into overseas expansion also. Urgent passports, UID cards, etc were arranged for those who were selected for an overseas posting. Back home, the fat frog started dictating terms to our marketing manager- started asking for hard cash, overtime, 2 holidays per week, etc. Some idiculous proposals. The manager, dint have any option but to agree to this- since this was his most precious USP.
It was evening time and a swarm of mosquitoes decended on Mr. Bhatnagar's house- incidentally he was the CEO of Totoise coils, and yet, even he was using the frog brand coils at home- as it really worked. And he was in all awe of this idea very much, regretting why he dint think of it. As he just relaxed in his couch, the power lines snapped, and there was complete darkness. He got up, lit a candle, and then, searched for frog-brand coils. But there was none. Ahh- tonight mosquitoes are going to have a good time doing blood taste sampling- he mumbled and went off to sleep. Sometime around mid-night he woke up, only to see that though there were no coils, the frog on duty was simply too good and was gulping down mosquitoes like a Toyota Fortuner drinks petrol. He had a eureka moment- and out he was in his driveway, as he summoned all his main brand managers for a midnight urgent meeting. Pajama meeting. What he said, and what insight he shared left everybody stunned.
Within 24hours, frog brand coil had an internal revolt, half the frogs didn't report for duty, some of them simply slept on duty- and shirking their main job completely. It was like a majority defection- just like how the Shiv Vada Pav stalls recently defected- 150 of them- to Nitesh Rane's vad pav union. It was simply a masterstroke from tortoise coil's CEO. Overnight shares of frog brand collapsed, the logistics chain got disrupted, sales dipped, Nasdaq, Nikkei, LSE - everywhere, the rings were on fire. Before the Frog brand guy could be reached at his private Hawaain resort, the entire company collapsed. By the time, he returned, all the frogs, all the coils, and the entire business went into the dumps.
What had incidentally happened was- the tortoise brand CEO realised one thing- that candlelit night- that even without the coils, the frogs were just enough to carry on the duty 100 percent. So, all he did was he simply bought over the loyalties of the fat frog, made him stake holder and partner in a new vertical, and overnight, set up a new brand- a stand alone brand- frogzz- the ultimate killer. It was a win-win situation for frogs as well as the tortoise coil brand. As both earmarked territories for themselves- exclusive marketing and distribution rights and pockets that each will own.
No new major activation or advertising was needed- it was a smooth transition all the way, and both brands went in for co-opetition approach rather than competition.
All the expansion plans went through, and it became the top brand of the world within no time. Meanwhile, even today, you will spot that marketing manager standing near the same puddle ( coz potholes in Bombay are forever) and waiting and wishing for another miracle and another insight. From that small puddle of water- all he does is go to the nearest watering hole, and drinks to glory. 24 hours.
Moral of the story: Depends who you are- where you are- and what your business plans are.
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