Sunday, December 25, 2011

TWEETY MUST FLY: How engineers from IIT, space scientists from Nasa, Docs from Bombay and an advertising guy- all collaborated for one Bird's dream!


That morning also, the donkey came near our gate. He waited patiently- till my wife came out, gave him khana- and then applied a concotion of medicines, haldi and all. Like an obedient cow- he would stand silently bearing that burning pain of tincture bezoine- haldi and antiseptics- on his badly bruised open flesh would- that his owner had left him with- and abandoned him. Just then- from nowhere...a man came with a plastic bag, and in it- was something fluttering. He asked- Doctorni saab hain? I was flummoxed- as there was no vet in and around a single mile radius....next second i assumed he was talking about my wife. As the story unfolded- it was an injured parot- with its wings badly cut...and his toe nails/claws completely unstable and in bad shape. We immediately took it in- it was our first' ever winged guest....besides Coco- one small rescued puppy, one huge alsation which we had picked up from Chembur bridge, and yes, our very own Prince, Misha, Cherry- and the new 5 puppy litter. The house was a total mess...imagine- just total 5 rooms- a small lawn- a heavily pregnant wife- and so many pets and animals running around.

That night, we kept Tweety- a name we gave to the parrot- along with coco, in the bedroom. To make things more comfortable and natural- we got a small twig that was looking like a proper pedestal- so tweety can rest n stand on it- just the way birds are acustomed to.

Coco-the one month old puppy and tweety- that nigt shared a room- and maybe in must have communicated thru their divine animal langugae....who knows...Tweety...meanwhile was still under severe trauma, n was re-actionaless, motionless, and almost lifeless- no feelings at all.....maybe it was too early to expect it to bounce back to life....


As a few days passed by, spreading a buffet of chillies, guavas, cherries..etc in front of tweety became ritual...and well, coco, the lil one would also start running around as soon as it was spread on the ground. Tweety starting re-acting. Feelings expressions n life started being re-ignited....it started teeting/whisteling..screaming....as and when coco would try coming near its cherries or guavas....those were the first signs of life..in tweety....as now...he had not only accepted coco as its friend, but also a foe- in jolly spirit...it was a friendship built on innocense and curiosity....where both of them were just trying to know each other...the parrot and the puppy....

The friendship got funnier day by day- as every morning, we used to take tweety to the terrace- and there-we would spread lot of cherries chillies and all the birdy delights. Now, it was an area where the winged population was pretty good-especially parrots..so slowly gradually- a lot of parrots started coming on the terrace. The whole idea was- socialisation with its own kind will revive tweety, make it feel happy, and lso give it more self confidence. As weeks rolled- tweety was a new- fresh and revived parrot- singing and hopping around...every morning whisteling and waking us up around 6.....Sometimes he would hop over even to cocos bed...and then both will tease each other...As we realised, tweety was only not scared of coco- but whenever misha or prince would walk in the room- it was always perified.....and would sit very firmly on my shoulder.

The back-to-life and whisteling schedule was tweety was far rom over. It was, after all a bird, and they belong to the sky, the blues and the wirld- not in 4 walls and under a cement roof.

Now the first big question was: Will tweety ever fly again? Conventional wisdom said- it wouldnt- since the wings were clipped from the base by some sick pet seller/dealer.
The vet said- not possible. I said- WHY NOT??

Studied hours to understand 'wing' dynamics, aero dynamics (basic) and tried to figure out some way. There has to be a way it can fly again- even if it means a 'prostheitc wing implant'. But how.

It was a rainy day when i entered the gates of IIT, Powai.That's one place- i knw- u can ask the craziest of questions, think the unthinkable- n yet, ppl wont send u to an asylum.

First stop was a gang on students-outside the aeronautics building. I explained my idea' rather question.....and i did understand that the 'wings' are one of the most complex ever natural fabrication that has still not been understood by scientists 100 pcnt.He said- we havent been able to achive even 20% perfection to a birds wing' dynamics..but yes- best part was they were interested, they were encouraging...and then guided me to the materials management team- the same team that had developed the Jaipur foot- an Indian prosthetic limb.In the next few days, there was a flurry of communication which i had with the students- sharing, postulating, and kinda trying to comprehend. One group also put up this case- in their student committee- for discussion- and brainstorming. The entire cycle was supposed to be on suppositions. But mainly on one question- WHY NOT?

Code named 'TWEETY MUST FLY' i continued meeting, writing to, and interacting with many people. The entire process was going to be in 3 parts:

a) to develop the right kinda wings.

b) to find the best composite material for making the wing

c) a surgeon who will take up the chalenge of fixing the wings.

It sounded like a dream project...and news did spread to quarters i dint even expect. A famous vet surgeon from Bombay, called up and said- if u guys can make the wings- i can fix it for tweety. a materials expert from iit kharagpur also chipped in with his support and said- he too will try his best in making some light material in the lab. The biggest surprise was a letter from an Indian Scientist from NASA. He said- i will be coming to India in December and will certainly try my best to help in this project. And make tweety fly.

Perhaps that night, i imagined myself to be tweety....flying high in the sky, doing somersaults, eating fresh guavas from trees...etc....

To me, the project was moving full steam- on the power of hope and help from a number of people- especially when there was no 'commercial' angle to it.

Weeks rolled into 2 months- and it was just around november...

Morning time, was our prince tweety's time.....time to sit on his throne made of a twig, and then moment he was on the terrace, he would run, scream, jump....to gleee...and have his heart's fill ...and also inviting over many of his own kind. 9.30am it was time to bring him back, as i had to leave for office....and as usual, i went up, and he hopped on the twig.

Just as i was walking down the stairs- the last stair- i stumbled....fell...lost my balance.tweety too fell....and Misha- my 2nd doggy was right there....tweety fell right in front of her- and in one instant and instinctive reaction- she just put her paw on tweety. Impulse- and meant no harm.

But it was too much of a trauma for tweety.

It turned cold.

No response.

Tweety had flown away. Forever.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

LOVE' in a Bombay CAB


LOVE IN A BOMBAY CAB: A true story: In a city starved of space, freedom,and infested with moral police- cabs are one of the safest places where ppl love' on the go. Loverbirds, even married couples grab their share of 5 mins of 'romantik' moments...and it wasnt too unsual to see, that evening, a cab where we saw a couple pull each othr closer. I was on the bike with my art-director Bhushan, i just told him- hey look, there's some hanky panky going on in the cab ahead. It was bumper to bumper traffic and we were right behind the cab- and it was going to be that way for sometime. Suddenly what caught our attention was- the woman;s head was bobbing up and down every 2 mins...the idiotic voyeur in me- and the dirty mind that i am- i told bhushan- hey i think she is doing a Monika Lewinsky number- right therein the cab...see see see....even bhushan said- aiila- true man...luk how besharam ppl hav become- a bj right in the cab?? A few minuts pased..and we just about managed to overtake the cab- assuming that like all others around-we too are going to see them in a compromising position- Gosh. It wasnt. There was a small baby in the man's lap...and the woman- the mother....was baar baar...bending down and kissing the lil smilig innocent baby.....what we thought....and wat it turned out to be....

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

INDIAN BLOOD......


WORLD'S SHORTEST STORY: Once, there was a big fat mosquito in Bombay.Like politicians, he loved to suck blood...that nigt, he thot, lemme take a round and find some good victims. First he bit jaspreet singh.then ashfaq shaikh, his neighbor. Lil ahead, down the road..he found father thomas.....and then...girija shankar...a lil orphan..playing on the road..saw the mosquito and in one swipe-smashed it...N guess wat- he was assuming that it will be red- but the mosquito'es blood was in 3 colors. Our tri-color: Jai hind.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Creation of a mascot: Dchef- the masterchef.

http://delectable.in/dchefintro.aspx

CHANAKYA'S CHAKKRAVYUH: BRAND IDENTITY


BRAND IDENTITY: It's India's first board game that teaches the nuances of finance, investments, opportunties....and how to create passive income. Based on CHanakya's arthshastra and 'corporate chanakya' radhakrishnan pillai's famus book- the challenge was to create a brand identity( logo- in layman terms) to integrate Chanakyas 2000 yr old wisdom with the current day scenario of the rupee.....hence, this marriage between the ruppe symbol and chanakya- that led to creation of this idea and identity. the hottest n the latest work...presenting here for ur comments n views.
By: Ashish Vyas

Sunday, October 30, 2011

An interview with the F1 DOG- his name is CIRCUIT.



3 DAYS BACK....A STRAY DOG ENTERED THE F1 CIRCUIT AND IT TOOK ALMOST 20 MINUTES FOR THE OFFICIALS TO DRIVE HIM AWAY. ONCE APREHENDED, I MANAGED TO SNEAK INTO THE GURGAON JAIL, AND INTERVIEWED THIS DOG-

Q: Hey doggy,i'm from Faking Times, and i wish to interview you. Can you spare a few minutes?

The dog just growled...till i handed over some Dog biscuits that i was carrying-just to bribe him...incase...he acts like....

Dog: Look, in the first place, don't call me a 'dog'. My name's F1. Or pyarse some bitches have started calling me 'Circuit'. Choose your option.

Ok then, circuit...how did you manage to enter such a high-security and VIP area..and why.

Circuit said '' man it was simple...i made friends with some of the police sniffer dogs...and i just generally requested one 'foreign dog' that i want to take a closer look...and he kinda agreed if i introduced him to some 'desi' bitch...the deal was cracked and he let me in....

Oh i see....i said. But what was like so tempting...that you wanted to risk coming inside??

Grrrr....you humans wont understand...see i've always had a fetish for car tyres..and u know why..each time i see a tyre, my leg goes up and...pisssssssssss

Awww cmon don't be gross now..we all know that about dogs...ooops i mean know it about you....

So- the dog continued- i've been there, done that-on every single brand in this country...From vintage car tyres, to mrf, ceat, pirreli....u name and ive done it....but..i had never done it on an F1 car tyre. That was one ultimate dream i always had ever since i was relocated from this area-in a bid to build this circuit..you know, here, there is space for elephants but no dogs....so kinda wanted to prove a point to mayawati behen also....

i said- hey are you getting into some social dynamics and political analysis...

Circuit continued...see, every dog, and every bitch has his/her day...this moment was mine..and i wanted to be a hero...

By the way- i said- did u know British bookies had placed bets on you- i mean on this event- that dogs will certainly run on this circuit....


What...circuit said..i never saw any politicians running on this track...ohhhh u mean us, the 4 legged dogs....hahahah...ya i read about it...100:1 ka bet tha...good chalo, i made someone rich in some way..i atleast contributed to some human's welfare....hey i gotta share one thing with you...just before the race started, there was a bomb scare...and all the sniffer dogs were rushed to the stands...and in the dressing room....

one dog- passing by mallaya- said...he was reeking of alchohol and octane mix...and he was discussing how to cut down jet's pilots...

another dog, who happend to find a trail...ultimately ended up in the prvate room of Mallika sherawat....huh Bomb- or so it seems- that dog exclaimed....

the 3rd one, wen he came back after sniffing the entire area came back with a sore nose- all he could smell was some perfume called WAYAMATI...he said it was smelling like elephant dung....he said, wen he entered the ladies loo, he found one 'gent's inside....

Huh...let it go...let her rest for a while...na...

What are your future plans??

Circuit says....mmmmmm future plans well i have a lot of em now...

First is to try to buy a 4ft by 4ft kennel somewhere around Noida or Gurgaon...u know im no more a slumdog, im a slumdog millionnaire....but still, looking at the real estate prices, i cant afford to buy a kennel in Delhi.....

Guess what, i saw Shumaker...and im gona order some good pair of shoes from him, now that im famus and will earn royalty on talk shows and tv shows on animal planet..If rakhi sawant can be on tv, why not me??


Then, im going to start a grroming school.for dogs...not elephants....i will give the contract to Jaypee group only..they r too good....

Next, i will visit the jail- Tihar jail, with one of my Rabid cousins...i will pretend that im there for a visit, but i will ensure that my cousin bites all those buggers who r giving us a bad name...those dogs like Kalamadi, A .raja., Kanhi.......ive already prepared an entire bite-list....just wait and watch....

All of a sudden, the jail door opens, i hear a clanking sound, and i see DAHRMENDRA enter the same cell, where i am interviewing this dog......

Kutte.....main tera khoon pee jaoonga.........

I run, the dog runs.....and interview is cut short....

THE MAID WHO MADE IT....BIG!

who made it!!!

Shy, innocent and a bit rag-tagged, she walked into our house on that morning, along with her mother. The initial information exchange over, her mother left, and the girl- who we had hired as a caretaker- was shown her room, her corner and also given a download of the pets- each pet's ka nature, who's aggressive, who to play with and who to stay away from- and every single idiosyncrasy of each one- Prince, Misha and Cherry- respectively. Didn't have much info tho, to share with her on the new-born baby- for whom she was going to be the caretaker.

Days and weeks passed by and she was part of our family- playing with the kid, taking care of her while mom is away for a while, or simply soaking the baby in the early morning sun...I and my wife could make out one thing for sure- that this girl- the maid if be put in crude terms, and caretaker-if a little polished way to say- was certainly different from the rest. She was curious, wanted to know more, asked many questions on everything- right from music to arts, to even sciences....and that, when she was barely educated upto 9th standard.

All her curiousity led us to one conclusion- that this girl doesnt deserve to be a maid- just because she is poor. Her ambitions and her level of thinking is too different and we gotta do something about her. So, one day, my wife struck a conversation with her and asked 'beta, what do you want to do in life" what's your goal.....Out poured her stories of how her father hadn't allowed her to study, how she was crushed in her family and what traumas she has undergone. The answer came at the end- she said- DIDI, i want to become a famous beautician. I want to have my own Beauty parlor 2 years from now. Bang on! She was different- because she had a dream, a mission, and ambition. It was only a question of how to reach there.

Things were worked out for her- first step to get her enrolled in a good course- we couldn't allocate so much money at one shot- so we worked out an emi arrangement with the parlor. Next- was to allot the entire afternoon time slot for this girl- and 3rd- to ensure that even in her absence, all the things went off smoothly.



Done and over, on the first day this innocent yet fire-in-her-eyes girl came back all smiles, and in a prancing style. She was almost in tears as she thanked my wife for this big opportunity and all. My wife maintained her composure- and in a typical shaadi-ke-time-and-just-before-the-fera style- she said " But hum ek baat toh kehna bhool hi gaye"......The girl was a bit shaken...maybe all of a sudden she thought something has gone wrong. Maybe her father has come to pick her up. Maybe we have changed our mind. Maybe......

Before the next thought flashed across the lil girls mind- my wife said ; Dekho beta- we want one major promise from you....Before wife completed her line, the girl said didi, mujhe bhi aapse baat karni thi....about the fees....i never knew you have paid so much..how will i return the money.....It was my wife's turn to interrupt and then....Humko yeh fees nahi chaiye vvapis....but ek promise chaiye tumse. That tomorrow, when you open your own beauty parlour- you will teach 3 underprivileged girls free of cost. The girl stood silent for a while- and said. 'didi' main kasam khati hoon, main vaisa hi karoongi.

Time flew, and after a few months, she completed her course. My baby too, had grown up a bit and now, and it was time for us to push this girl away from the comforts she was getting too used to. lLest she forget her goal.

She cried a lot while leaving, and we told her ' the next time we wanna see you- is with an invite' of your own Beauty parlor. We will wait for that moment.

Life moved on....till one such day- a couple of years back, we heard a knock on our door. On opening- we saw what we had maybe subliminally waited for. The lil girl had grown up- was carrying a big box of sweets, and a glittering card in her hand. She hadn't forgotten that Prince- my first doggy loved Monginis and that too, she had brought in full stock. A big chocolate for wife. And a silver kada for my baby- which was now 3 years old.

Yes, her dream she had fulfilled. And today, she had a full-fledged beauty parlor, some 20 tolas of gold she has made for herself, she has renovated her house, complete with all the modern gadgets- and lastly- she has taught not less than 8 girls-free of cost' at her parlor.

Reminds you of one sign that many rickshaws in Bombay sport behind their hood 'Ek mulgi sheekli, toh parivar sheekla.' When you teach a girl, you are educating an entire family.